The title today comes from - well, it's FROM the X song of the same name but it actually came floating up unbidden from my mind as I sat here trying to come up with something to write about. I've been doing more and more on the i3-set-up Pocket CHIP and there's some stuff I want to do with that - the PocketCHIP i3 configuration from a tutorial online works in some places and not in others, I can't figure out why xcfe4 isn't loading up my solarized config file, etc. - but the real meat of working out how I want everything laid out is still to come.
The other thing I've had rolling aroud in my mind is... a particular shame about my motivations being on here, which might require a post when I am less tired. I have a certain feeling of like moral shame when I think, like, oh, I wish I could comment on this post, I wish I could reblog this - things that "feel" against the spirit of the enterprise, even if they're technically achievable. I think part of this is just that I am always going to find things to feel bad about myself for but it does feel like posting in this space is agreeing to a certain monastic aestheticism even in my digital desires.
And that's not even to say that it's bad or wrong to feel this! I mean, it is for me, because I have a garbage brain full of worms. But I don't think it's necessarily bad... okay, getting past *feelings* of guilt and shame, because those are subjective. I don't think it's necessarily bad to be unable to do something you want on a technical level. In fact I sort of feel like it's a good rehjoinder to the refrain that anything on Gemini could just be a stripped down HTML site - technically, yes, but the existence of options on the platform exerts its own sort of pressure to use those options. It's very easy to imagine the things that - I at least - would be willing to accept, and AM willing to accept in my digital life away from here, in exchange for ease and extendability.
There is one more aspect to this for me which is that I have a moderately popular personal Twitter account, with around 12,000 followers, which is a lot for a person who does not... actually do anything that would cause people to follow you on Twitter. I have this following because of a) luck b) friends and way down at the end... I am pretty good at writing the sort of things that a sort of person will like. I can state things in a way that people will find funny and retweetable and I have a persona that is nice and unthreatening.
Having this many people follow me is weird - it has no real impact on my day to day life. I'm a man so nobody ever threatens to call my boss, and my boss probably wouldn't care if they did. I don't have a Patreon or have anything to promote because I don't do anything.
When I think about wanting things on Gemini that in some indirect way might provide me with validation, is that because I'm just addicted to having people fav what I say? And more importantly - to the degree that any of my following on Twitter likes me it is because I'm good at communicating, and a little funny. These qualities - very notably - have nothing to do with whether I'm saying anything of any worth. When I was 11 I read a bunch of Dave Barry books; it feels grotesque that that might give me more of a platform than someone who knows something.
I've mentioned before that navigating Gemini for me is very random, very much just clicking on stuff, and I think there's definitely something to be said for that lack of hierarchy. I don't think I want to put stuff here that is polished or easily shareable or even necessarily relatable.
Anyway! God, I hope we're going to reach an era on this platform pretty soon where guys like me don't feel compelled to drone on about What It Means and Why Are We Here anymore. Part of my goal with the Daily Hog was to just get more, other stuff on here, and I'm hoping to get back to that next week.